It’s the little things that are getting to me, the sharp moments of pained surprise like helping my daughter pick out a card for her Grandma (my mother-in-law) and realizing that we weren’t going to do that for my mom for the first time.   Seeing my little girl in her first play and realizing my mom wasn’t going to see it.  I’m feeling more emotionally sensitive too.  Odd, unrelated moments bring tears to my eyes that wouldn’t normally.   I think my tongue is a little sharper too but my oh so patient husband could speak to that more than I… 

Beyond the pain is peace as well.  I had time to come to grips with the loss of her before the time came, which helped me enjoy our time together more fiercely and thoroughly.  I have little treasures of her at home and in my office, keeping the memory of her near.  In my office, it’s an interesting mix of keepsakes – there’s what you would expect (pictures of her) but there is also one of her paintings and the first gift I gave her after I moved away from home.

So here’s to my mom, who lived her life on her own terms, with a strength, verve and determination that I hope I can match.  She never let obstacles or bad times keep her down forever and even death came when she was ready and not the other way around.  I hope to be able to pass on the good memories and good lessons to my daughter.   Never forgotten, Mom – your best lives on in your son, daughter and granddaughter.  I know you were proud of that and I am too.  I love you, Mom.

It starts like this… On a dark and stormy night – oh wait, wrong story.   <rummage, rummage, rummage> Ah, here it is… About a week ago, her second tooth (bottom, center, right) reached a point where it was hanging by minuscule means.  So we began the nightly practice of me asking for one chance to gently tug on the tooth to remove it and her having dramatic hysterics for at least ten minutes before reluctantly letting me try.   Each night, no success (I am fortunate if I can even get a hold of the tooth, much less actually tug).

On Monday night, I finally get to reach in there and it pops right out.  But she is still wailing and begging me not to pull it out.  I start laughing so hard that I can’t even show her the tooth is already out.  She gets more upset that I am laughing.  Finally, I manage some semblance of control and show her the tooth and like magic, all tears and various other symptoms of histrionics disappear.  She is now all smiles.

But suddenly, a new concern rears its ugly head – tomorrow is her playdate with her best friend Esther and she has to show her this tooth.  So nothing will do but we must find a hiding place for the tooth, so the tooth fairy will not take it.  And, to be totally certain there is no misunderstanding, we must leave her a note, in case she ransacks the house looking for the tooth in hiding and takes it.  You can imagine our thoughts at this point, right?

The tooth is fortunately still there to be shown to her best friend and is dutifully placed on the nightstand for pick up by the tooth fairy.  This morning in the car, my little girl starts telling me that the tooth fairy can walk through walls (must be a great skill to have, better than the chimney gig).  She also states, quite firmly, that the tooth fairy gives a kiss for every coin you receive.  Two gold coin dollars translates to two kisses.  Okay, I am with her there although I don’t recall kissing her at that point.  I recall desperately trying to sneak out her room as quiet as I could, despite the various toy obstacles leftover from the previously mentioned playdate.  Then she declares that the first kiss is felt but the second one cannot be felt.  Perhaps because the tooth fairy is already dematerializing in preparation for heading out through the wall, on to her next appointment.

So I walked into work this morning with a big smile on my face, because I had such a great start to my day.  A story moment to treasure and share.  My day is good!