The last step is the hardest for me – getting in shape and losing the weight.  Here’s we head back to the patience thing.  See, when I have worked out in the past, I’ve often either gained or stayed the same in the weight category.  So I quit.  Wow, that is uglier in print than in my head. 

I made a commitment to myself that this time, I won’t quit.  I will stay the course.  So, three weeks ago, I chose a Christmas present for myself.  45 pounds in 31 weeks.  45 pounds will put me at my ideal weight.  It’s a big goal and the timeline a bit aggressive but it’s better to challenge myself on this. 

No matter the results, I’m staying at it until the end of 31 weeks.  

I’m up to an hour of cardio and strength training six days a week.  I’m working my way up to 90 minutes per day.  So here I am at week three – not much in the way of weight loss so far (3 pounds) but I have lost some inches.  Frustrating but some progress is better than nothing, right?  Patience, I remind myself.   But I wish I were better at this whole patience thing.  Any words of advice for me?

I’m a big fan of reflection and thinking time.  I am also an unrepentant and inveterate multitasker (yes, I’m doing it now – picture me listening to music, checking email, Twitter, blogging and researching chi square testing).  I find that I have to remind myself of how much I can get done by taking the time to step back from it all and reflect.  Even given that, some of my best insights and ideas have come from when I am doing some mindless task instead of doing nothing at all but thinking.  Knowing that, I seek out that form of reflection and integrate it into the flow of my life.  Don’t think I’m all successful at it though – it’s an ongoing practice.  And although it doesn’t come naturally, I do the quiet, non-task version of reflection too… just not as often.

I can tell you that I have learned that if I don’t have this time on a regular basis, I’m less happy, less productive, less creative, less insightful – more restless, more stressed and more easily distracted.  There’s an inner warning bell that goes off when I start to feel like this.  I know it’s time to step back.

How have you found the power of reflection working for you?  Do you make time for it?  How does your life feel when you don’t make time for it?  Share your stories with me because I’m really interested in learning how it works for others.

1)  Am I sleeping better?  You betcha.  I not only sleep better, I dream more.  Go figure on that one… or perhaps I just remember my dreams even more.

2) Is my husband sleeping better?  Yes indeed.  If anything, the total silence when I sleep is a bit concerning for him.  He has yet to adjust and still checks to see if I am actually breathing now and again.

3) Am I breathing better overall? Yes, I am.  It still feels a bit odd to actually be breathing on both sides of my nose but I am doing much better.

4) Do I have more energy? Oh yes… I haven’t had this much energy in years.  Must be a combo of more oxygen in my blood and better sleep but I am loving it.  I feel like my energy level has improved significantly.

5) Would I recommend the surgery to others? Yes I would.  It hurt more than I thought going in (and I thought it would be bad) but it was worth every bit.  I genuinely wish I had done this sooner. 

As a reminder, I had the “snoring surgery” and repair for a severely deviated septum at the same time.  The two together is what resulted in more pain than I anticipated.  For those who are going for one or the other, the recovery should be easier.  Throw in the fact that I lost five pounds during the recovery, which was a lovely added bonus. 

This makes excellent progress on my personal goals for the year.

It starts like this… On a dark and stormy night – oh wait, wrong story.   <rummage, rummage, rummage> Ah, here it is… About a week ago, her second tooth (bottom, center, right) reached a point where it was hanging by minuscule means.  So we began the nightly practice of me asking for one chance to gently tug on the tooth to remove it and her having dramatic hysterics for at least ten minutes before reluctantly letting me try.   Each night, no success (I am fortunate if I can even get a hold of the tooth, much less actually tug).

On Monday night, I finally get to reach in there and it pops right out.  But she is still wailing and begging me not to pull it out.  I start laughing so hard that I can’t even show her the tooth is already out.  She gets more upset that I am laughing.  Finally, I manage some semblance of control and show her the tooth and like magic, all tears and various other symptoms of histrionics disappear.  She is now all smiles.

But suddenly, a new concern rears its ugly head – tomorrow is her playdate with her best friend Esther and she has to show her this tooth.  So nothing will do but we must find a hiding place for the tooth, so the tooth fairy will not take it.  And, to be totally certain there is no misunderstanding, we must leave her a note, in case she ransacks the house looking for the tooth in hiding and takes it.  You can imagine our thoughts at this point, right?

The tooth is fortunately still there to be shown to her best friend and is dutifully placed on the nightstand for pick up by the tooth fairy.  This morning in the car, my little girl starts telling me that the tooth fairy can walk through walls (must be a great skill to have, better than the chimney gig).  She also states, quite firmly, that the tooth fairy gives a kiss for every coin you receive.  Two gold coin dollars translates to two kisses.  Okay, I am with her there although I don’t recall kissing her at that point.  I recall desperately trying to sneak out her room as quiet as I could, despite the various toy obstacles leftover from the previously mentioned playdate.  Then she declares that the first kiss is felt but the second one cannot be felt.  Perhaps because the tooth fairy is already dematerializing in preparation for heading out through the wall, on to her next appointment.

So I walked into work this morning with a big smile on my face, because I had such a great start to my day.  A story moment to treasure and share.  My day is good!

Last week I took the plunge and had the surgery.  The rest is about this week and how it went.  Here’s a little spoiler warning – for those who really don’t want the details, just know that everything is going well in my recovery and stop here.  For those who really would like to know, here goes (don’t say I didn’t warn you):

My surgery was last week Monday morning.  It started with a lot of waiting and no book to read for half of it.  For those of you who know me, this is a bad situation to be in.  I laid there on the table, staring at the ceiling drop tiles and found myself thinking all sorts of what if scenarios.  The people at the Santa Barbara Surgery Center were great – patient, pain sensitive and supportive. 

As promised, I didn’t feel them taking the breathing tube out after the surgery.  I did wake scared though – I couldn’t breathe without concious effort and I hurt like mad.  I had my first warning of how it was to be when she gave me some pain medicine to swallow and it hurt even more.  Not a good sign when you are in pain and it hurts even more to take the medicine.   After waiting in recovery, Shawn carefully brought me home.  I prayed for sleep that wouldn’t come.  I could doze for ten to fifteen minutes at a time and then wake up and spit out blood. 

The next couple of days brought me lots of lost blood.  So much so that I began to worry that it was too much, despite what the doctor said I was losing what he expected.  The packing came out on Tuesday and that was a shock and a relief.  All I could take was water. 

Thursday, I tried food.  An egg.  And I was successful in keeping it down.  Hooray!  Try to take joy in the little things.  I’ve been living off one egg a day and a small bit of applesauce.  The good news is that I’m not actually hungry and I am losing weight.  So there is a side benefit to all of this.

The good news today is that the internal splints came out of my nose.  Very little pain and suddenly its an amazing how much more I can breathe through my nose.  The sharp pain in my throat should start to recede in another couple of days, so food may be back in my near future.  If all continues to go well, I should be just about fully healed this time next week. 

Was it worth it? (I know you’re going to ask.)  I’m going to go with yes at this point.  I breathe better and I am not snoring either.  I suspect that I will also get the benefits of sleeping better (once the pain goes away) and having more energy.  Everything worked just like my doctor told me.  I have to admit to some fear and regret that I experienced on the first couple of days.  I was so miserable and exhausted that I did wonder why I did this to myself.

Tonight I go back to sleeping horizontally, rather than the prescribed 30 degree angle.  Tonight I will get to sleep breathing through my nose.  And last, certainly not least, tonight my husband will come back to bed, since sleeping at that angle was too hard on him.  So lots of good things tonight and I am starting to feel human once again.

Would I recommend this to others?  (Just in case you ask.)  I think yes… not entirely sure since I haven’t reaped all the benefits yet (still early days) but yes, I would.

I believe in setting a goal to try to get to zero by the end of the year when it comes to vacation time.  There is a reason we get that time off – it’s for balance, for health – both physcial and mental.  And it’s important to take time off.  This year, I won’t quite make zero – I’ll be short by a day and a half but that’s pretty darn close.  And it’s important to remember that there’s no award or recognition for not taking time off.  So if you are one of those types – you know the ones, the hoarders of time (I am a reformed hoarder, so I know what it’s like) – then try it for just one year.  Make it your goal in 2009 to get to zero vacation days by the end of the year.  You never know, if you try it once, you might find you’ll never go back to hoarding again.