Knowing that the holidays were coming (even bigger in our house because my daughters birthday is in the mix).  Knowing we were going to have loads of company.  And, we had lots of change going on at work - I needed to do something to give myself the space to recharge – so I broke up (temporarily) with Twitter and my blog and other stuff of similar ilk.  And it worked.  I kept my balance, my energy, my focus and really was able to enjoy my loved ones as well.

Now that the holidays are over, I’m able to take up the digital reins again while walking the line between my E and I self.  I hope all of you had lovely holidays and are feeling freshly energetic in the new year.

So my side note of the moment – why do I get stuck inside my own head sometimes and why do I let it lead me astray?  Here’s the thing – I’m on a journey to become more healthy, sustainably healthy.  Not a diet, not a workout now and drop it later but real change.  As a result, I want to feel better, more energized, lose some weight, be stronger and set a good example of a healthy lifestyle for my daughter.  Be the change I wish to see in the world (and in her).  Thank you, Ghandi. 

I’ve made progress (lost 12 inches, given up fast food and soda, very limited food in that comes from boxes or cans – start fresh, dropped a size and working out on a very regular basis).  Turns out that I am loving the change but somehow, I’m still not happy enough with my progress.  Crazy right?  I think it is the evil scale in the corner of my bathroom.  It haunts me with it’s mocking digital readout that states that for all the change, I still have only managed seven pounds. 

I’d like to do the sane thing and chuck the scale, truly I would.  But, I am number kind of gal and while the measurements are great, some part of me still thinks the scale is a key metric I can’t do away with.  So, sad to say but it is not the scale, it is me, standing in my way in my head.  I can’t revel in how much good I’ve done so far because all I can see is what I haven’t done.  Thoughts? Comments?  Stories?  Cheery support?  Let me know what you think.  And thanks for joining me on my Side Note!

I was thinking of this as I sat interviewing candidates for a new position a colleague has opened up.  I wanted to not just find the right person for the position but also someone who would end up fitting in well and being happy here.

Food for thought – could the process of recruiting and candidate selection be radically altered to help in this culture fit element?  http://punkrockhr.com/the-candidate-experience-hiring-process/

I have a very good friend who is an experienced and fanstastic recruiter.  We met and became friends when she recruited me for a previous position.  She is passionate about true partnership with the hiring manager and making certain there is a real fit for the manager, the position and the culture.  In my experience, that is rare.  I think we could use a lot more of that type of passion, thoughtfulness and commitment.

With so many people in the job hunt process right now, many of them are hoping for the right fit and right now.  How many will end up with right now only?  What will that do for them and for the company?  What impact will that have on the job market churn over the next five years?

I’m a big fan of reflection and thinking time.  I am also an unrepentant and inveterate multitasker (yes, I’m doing it now – picture me listening to music, checking email, Twitter, blogging and researching chi square testing).  I find that I have to remind myself of how much I can get done by taking the time to step back from it all and reflect.  Even given that, some of my best insights and ideas have come from when I am doing some mindless task instead of doing nothing at all but thinking.  Knowing that, I seek out that form of reflection and integrate it into the flow of my life.  Don’t think I’m all successful at it though – it’s an ongoing practice.  And although it doesn’t come naturally, I do the quiet, non-task version of reflection too… just not as often.

I can tell you that I have learned that if I don’t have this time on a regular basis, I’m less happy, less productive, less creative, less insightful – more restless, more stressed and more easily distracted.  There’s an inner warning bell that goes off when I start to feel like this.  I know it’s time to step back.

How have you found the power of reflection working for you?  Do you make time for it?  How does your life feel when you don’t make time for it?  Share your stories with me because I’m really interested in learning how it works for others.

1)  Am I sleeping better?  You betcha.  I not only sleep better, I dream more.  Go figure on that one… or perhaps I just remember my dreams even more.

2) Is my husband sleeping better?  Yes indeed.  If anything, the total silence when I sleep is a bit concerning for him.  He has yet to adjust and still checks to see if I am actually breathing now and again.

3) Am I breathing better overall? Yes, I am.  It still feels a bit odd to actually be breathing on both sides of my nose but I am doing much better.

4) Do I have more energy? Oh yes… I haven’t had this much energy in years.  Must be a combo of more oxygen in my blood and better sleep but I am loving it.  I feel like my energy level has improved significantly.

5) Would I recommend the surgery to others? Yes I would.  It hurt more than I thought going in (and I thought it would be bad) but it was worth every bit.  I genuinely wish I had done this sooner. 

As a reminder, I had the “snoring surgery” and repair for a severely deviated septum at the same time.  The two together is what resulted in more pain than I anticipated.  For those who are going for one or the other, the recovery should be easier.  Throw in the fact that I lost five pounds during the recovery, which was a lovely added bonus. 

This makes excellent progress on my personal goals for the year.

What I wonder about is the thread of small, angry voices I hear on the web.  Why?  Is it fear that causes some to rant and say others deserve such awful reversals of fortune?  Is it spite or small mindedness?  Self-righteousness and smug insensitivity?  I guess I just don’t get it.  Yes, some are in their current situations due to unwise choices.  I don’t know about you but I’ve made more than a few “unwise choices” in my life and had to live with those consequences.  This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel for them though.  It doesn’t mean that I take pleasure or feel smug about their situation.  I know I am not alone in this because I read and hear those voices too – the wondering ones who feel empathy and are thankful for what they have.

Each day, I will live in joy (for my good fortune) and fear (that it might somehow go awry) and empathy (for those who have lost so much).  I suspect, this is how my year will go.  How about you?

Last week I took the plunge and had the surgery.  The rest is about this week and how it went.  Here’s a little spoiler warning – for those who really don’t want the details, just know that everything is going well in my recovery and stop here.  For those who really would like to know, here goes (don’t say I didn’t warn you):

My surgery was last week Monday morning.  It started with a lot of waiting and no book to read for half of it.  For those of you who know me, this is a bad situation to be in.  I laid there on the table, staring at the ceiling drop tiles and found myself thinking all sorts of what if scenarios.  The people at the Santa Barbara Surgery Center were great – patient, pain sensitive and supportive. 

As promised, I didn’t feel them taking the breathing tube out after the surgery.  I did wake scared though – I couldn’t breathe without concious effort and I hurt like mad.  I had my first warning of how it was to be when she gave me some pain medicine to swallow and it hurt even more.  Not a good sign when you are in pain and it hurts even more to take the medicine.   After waiting in recovery, Shawn carefully brought me home.  I prayed for sleep that wouldn’t come.  I could doze for ten to fifteen minutes at a time and then wake up and spit out blood. 

The next couple of days brought me lots of lost blood.  So much so that I began to worry that it was too much, despite what the doctor said I was losing what he expected.  The packing came out on Tuesday and that was a shock and a relief.  All I could take was water. 

Thursday, I tried food.  An egg.  And I was successful in keeping it down.  Hooray!  Try to take joy in the little things.  I’ve been living off one egg a day and a small bit of applesauce.  The good news is that I’m not actually hungry and I am losing weight.  So there is a side benefit to all of this.

The good news today is that the internal splints came out of my nose.  Very little pain and suddenly its an amazing how much more I can breathe through my nose.  The sharp pain in my throat should start to recede in another couple of days, so food may be back in my near future.  If all continues to go well, I should be just about fully healed this time next week. 

Was it worth it? (I know you’re going to ask.)  I’m going to go with yes at this point.  I breathe better and I am not snoring either.  I suspect that I will also get the benefits of sleeping better (once the pain goes away) and having more energy.  Everything worked just like my doctor told me.  I have to admit to some fear and regret that I experienced on the first couple of days.  I was so miserable and exhausted that I did wonder why I did this to myself.

Tonight I go back to sleeping horizontally, rather than the prescribed 30 degree angle.  Tonight I will get to sleep breathing through my nose.  And last, certainly not least, tonight my husband will come back to bed, since sleeping at that angle was too hard on him.  So lots of good things tonight and I am starting to feel human once again.

Would I recommend this to others?  (Just in case you ask.)  I think yes… not entirely sure since I haven’t reaped all the benefits yet (still early days) but yes, I would.

It was also thought provoking to look back and remember how much speaking used to terrify me.  Did it used to scare you?  Or does it still?  Why is this such a scary thing?  At the time, it seemed so clear to me why my knees were knocking, my breath was short and I couldn’t remember a darn thing I planned to say.  But I can’t seem to pin down the why.  It just was.  I am so thankful now that these experiences are actually fun and interesting.  I am fortunate that I was able to learn from all those mistakes and overcome my fear.  Now I get to share what I learned!

Do you ever think about how we shade our memories, how they are never quite the way something actually happened but still, they are all that we have?  I know how I remember this weekend… how will she?  What are the differences?  Do the differences matter? 

Trust me to get all introspective at moments like this, I suppose.  The joy of the holidays and the making of happy memories is so powerful to me.  I just want to savor every bit of it.