The Corporate Woman

Setting aside time to reflect gives you the opportunity to see how things fit together and identify gaps.  This nothing new, right?  You know this, have experienced it, whether it was in your personal life or work life or both.  So if we know it, have felt the benefit of it, why is it so hard to do?  Why do we feel compelled to fill up every precious waking minute with a task?  How many of you feel the impulse in an idle moment to pick up your Blackberry or iPhone (or similar item)?  Do you ask yourself why?  I do.

I’m a big fan of reflection and thinking time.  I am also an unrepentant and inveterate multitasker (yes, I’m doing it now – picture me listening to music, checking email, Twitter, blogging and researching chi square testing).  I find that I have to remind myself of how much I can get done by taking the time to step back from it all and reflect.  Even given that, some of my best insights and ideas have come from when I am doing some mindless task instead of doing nothing at all but thinking.  Knowing that, I seek out that form of reflection and integrate it into the flow of my life.  Don’t think I’m all successful at it though – it’s an ongoing practice.  And although it doesn’t come naturally, I do the quiet, non-task version of reflection too… just not as often.

I can tell you that I have learned that if I don’t have this time on a regular basis, I’m less happy, less productive, less creative, less insightful – more restless, more stressed and more easily distracted.  There’s an inner warning bell that goes off when I start to feel like this.  I know it’s time to step back.

How have you found the power of reflection working for you?  Do you make time for it?  How does your life feel when you don’t make time for it?  Share your stories with me because I’m really interested in learning how it works for others.

Tags: insight, Reflection, thoughful

Hello all – as promised, this is my final report out on my surgery results from Feb.  I would say I have reached full recovery now.  Still some minor pain on big sneezes and occasional twinges but good for my purposes.  Now for the good news – did it deliver on all the anticipated benefits?  I give it a resounding YES!

1)  Am I sleeping better?  You betcha.  I not only sleep better, I dream more.  Go figure on that one… or perhaps I just remember my dreams even more.

2) Is my husband sleeping better?  Yes indeed.  If anything, the total silence when I sleep is a bit concerning for him.  He has yet to adjust and still checks to see if I am actually breathing now and again.

3) Am I breathing better overall? Yes, I am.  It still feels a bit odd to actually be breathing on both sides of my nose but I am doing much better.

4) Do I have more energy? Oh yes… I haven’t had this much energy in years.  Must be a combo of more oxygen in my blood and better sleep but I am loving it.  I feel like my energy level has improved significantly.

5) Would I recommend the surgery to others? Yes I would.  It hurt more than I thought going in (and I thought it would be bad) but it was worth every bit.  I genuinely wish I had done this sooner. 

As a reminder, I had the “snoring surgery” and repair for a severely deviated septum at the same time.  The two together is what resulted in more pain than I anticipated.  For those who are going for one or the other, the recovery should be easier.  Throw in the fact that I lost five pounds during the recovery, which was a lovely added bonus. 

This makes excellent progress on my personal goals for the year.

Tags: Health, positive, results, surgery, wellness

I admit to fear and to worry and to doubt.  I am fortunate in these times of fear and uncertainty, where many are suffering the most dramatic and awful change of their lives.  I am thankful, every day, for what I have:  my good health (and health insurance), my loved ones (and their good health), my great job (that I am lucky to love) and the basics we all need (food, shelter, etc…).  My heart goes out to those who are suffering because I remember earlier days where a roof over my head was uncertain, not much food (so thankful for free school lunch programs) and no health insurance (or money for much needed medicines, like my asthma inhaler).  I remember and my heart cries out for them.

What I wonder about is the thread of small, angry voices I hear on the web.  Why?  Is it fear that causes some to rant and say others deserve such awful reversals of fortune?  Is it spite or small mindedness?  Self-righteousness and smug insensitivity?  I guess I just don’t get it.  Yes, some are in their current situations due to unwise choices.  I don’t know about you but I’ve made more than a few “unwise choices” in my life and had to live with those consequences.  This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel for them though.  It doesn’t mean that I take pleasure or feel smug about their situation.  I know I am not alone in this because I read and hear those voices too – the wondering ones who feel empathy and are thankful for what they have.

Each day, I will live in joy (for my good fortune) and fear (that it might somehow go awry) and empathy (for those who have lost so much).  I suspect, this is how my year will go.  How about you?

Tags: Change, Endurance, Fear, Spirit

My view of my septoplasty and the snoring surgery.  For those of you who don’t know me, I was born with a severely deviated septum, with only a tiny opening in the right side of my nose.  For me, this is normal.  Little did I know that it is part of why I have low energy levels and don’t seem to get enough rest, even after a good nights sleep.  The nose actually needs both sides to work right and properly oxygenate you.  After years of dreading the surgery pain, I finally decided that my gift of better living to myself this year would be breathing better.  I do one of these every year – for example, one year I gave up soda, another fast food, another caffeine.  Each a step towards changing my lifestyle to a healthier one.

Last week I took the plunge and had the surgery.  The rest is about this week and how it went.  Here’s a little spoiler warning – for those who really don’t want the details, just know that everything is going well in my recovery and stop here.  For those who really would like to know, here goes (don’t say I didn’t warn you):

My surgery was last week Monday morning.  It started with a lot of waiting and no book to read for half of it.  For those of you who know me, this is a bad situation to be in.  I laid there on the table, staring at the ceiling drop tiles and found myself thinking all sorts of what if scenarios.  The people at the Santa Barbara Surgery Center were great – patient, pain sensitive and supportive. 

As promised, I didn’t feel them taking the breathing tube out after the surgery.  I did wake scared though – I couldn’t breathe without concious effort and I hurt like mad.  I had my first warning of how it was to be when she gave me some pain medicine to swallow and it hurt even more.  Not a good sign when you are in pain and it hurts even more to take the medicine.   After waiting in recovery, Shawn carefully brought me home.  I prayed for sleep that wouldn’t come.  I could doze for ten to fifteen minutes at a time and then wake up and spit out blood. 

The next couple of days brought me lots of lost blood.  So much so that I began to worry that it was too much, despite what the doctor said I was losing what he expected.  The packing came out on Tuesday and that was a shock and a relief.  All I could take was water. 

Thursday, I tried food.  An egg.  And I was successful in keeping it down.  Hooray!  Try to take joy in the little things.  I’ve been living off one egg a day and a small bit of applesauce.  The good news is that I’m not actually hungry and I am losing weight.  So there is a side benefit to all of this.

The good news today is that the internal splints came out of my nose.  Very little pain and suddenly its an amazing how much more I can breathe through my nose.  The sharp pain in my throat should start to recede in another couple of days, so food may be back in my near future.  If all continues to go well, I should be just about fully healed this time next week. 

Was it worth it? (I know you’re going to ask.)  I’m going to go with yes at this point.  I breathe better and I am not snoring either.  I suspect that I will also get the benefits of sleeping better (once the pain goes away) and having more energy.  Everything worked just like my doctor told me.  I have to admit to some fear and regret that I experienced on the first couple of days.  I was so miserable and exhausted that I did wonder why I did this to myself.

Tonight I go back to sleeping horizontally, rather than the prescribed 30 degree angle.  Tonight I will get to sleep breathing through my nose.  And last, certainly not least, tonight my husband will come back to bed, since sleeping at that angle was too hard on him.  So lots of good things tonight and I am starting to feel human once again.

Would I recommend this to others?  (Just in case you ask.)  I think yes… not entirely sure since I haven’t reaped all the benefits yet (still early days) but yes, I would.

I had the opportunity to speak to the local Toastmaster’s group and guests yesterday on the topic of public speaking.  I shared with them my journey from terror and lots of mistakes to finally learning how to be comfortable and myself in front of an audience.  I was happy to share my pain and suffering in the hopes that someone could learn from what I have learned.  The most fun was hearing the questions people asked!

It was also thought provoking to look back and remember how much speaking used to terrify me.  Did it used to scare you?  Or does it still?  Why is this such a scary thing?  At the time, it seemed so clear to me why my knees were knocking, my breath was short and I couldn’t remember a darn thing I planned to say.  But I can’t seem to pin down the why.  It just was.  I am so thankful now that these experiences are actually fun and interesting.  I am fortunate that I was able to learn from all those mistakes and overcome my fear.  Now I get to share what I learned!

Tags: Public Speaking

This past weekend was wonderful!  My daughter turned six and I was so happy to see her light up with joy and excitement this weekend.  She had her party, which she enjoyed immensely.  We took her out to dinner and an evening show of the Nutcracker ballet for the first time, which she thought was neat.  She was amazed at all the little girl ballerinas.  She has always loved that story, so it helped make the ballet come alive for her.  Seeing the whole weekend through her eyes was so sweet and poignant.  What happy memories we made – and memories, that’s what we have of the past, isn’t it?  Even though those are imperfect things, those memories, it’s what gives us the grounding for our today’s. 

Do you ever think about how we shade our memories, how they are never quite the way something actually happened but still, they are all that we have?  I know how I remember this weekend… how will she?  What are the differences?  Do the differences matter? 

Trust me to get all introspective at moments like this, I suppose.  The joy of the holidays and the making of happy memories is so powerful to me.  I just want to savor every bit of it.

Tags: Family, Self-Clarity

This morning we learned that Shawn’s grandfather passed away.  He passed away in his sleep, apparently peacefully, which is a blessing.  It is sad but also good to note that he had a good life, long and rich (he was in his nineties).  He is survived by his wife and children.  This is the third death in the family this year (four if you count one of our kitties).  A sad year indeed.  It’s made me think a great deal about loss and how people respond. 

Another thing that has been on my mind has been the concept of a funereal.  It raises all sorts of questions – is it appropriate to take small children?  How much will the little one understand vs. simply be restive and anxious?  When my mom passed away, we were there and I gave my daughter the option on whether she wanted to see her Nana and say goodbye.  She chose to see her but I would have been fine with either choice she could have made.   Either way, it is always a hard thing to go through for the adults and the children.  Probably one of the reasons I don’t want a funereal – I want an old-fashioned wake.  I want my friends and family to celebrate the memories.  Joy vs. solemn – that’s my choice.  What’s yours?

Tags: Family, Self-Clarity

Earlier this year, I talked about it being time for change – how do you decide?  How do you know it’s time?  Well, my family and I decided it was time when an opportunity to go work for Citrix Online came open in my field.  What a great company, really smart and talented people and a great desire for being ever more customer focused.  My family loves living in beautiful Santa Barbara vs. living north of Seattle in Bothell.  Change like this often feels like a leap of faith - you weigh your options, check your gut, agonize with friends and family (okay, maybe that last one is only me) and then decide.  You really don’t know until you actually make the choice though, do you?

Well, this choice lets me know that 20/20 hindsight is calling this a great choice.   More to come on the questions of customer loyalty and driving improvements in customer experience in the next blog.

Take care and stay tuned!

Tags: Authenticity, Change, Family, Self-Clarity

My mother passed away on Friday.  I feel sad but also happy and at peace.  You see, she has been terribly ill for a very long time and we who loved her have watched her decline in an anxious miasma of sadness and helplessness.  The thought that continues to reverberate through my brain is that she isn’t hurting anymore.  For the first time in a very long time, her life is not defined by pain. 

It has made me think a great deal about the nature of pain (great and small) and what we choose to endure.  My mother often talked about her reasons for fighting to stay in this life, despite the pain.  She was quite clear on that.  And I wonder, what does it take to have that clarity regarding other choices in our lives?  What helps us to decide that this is an acceptable situation and that is not? 

I am proud of my mother for the fight she put up and for her strength to stop fighting when she chose her time.  I miss her.  She will always be a part of me and I am glad to carry those lessons in my heart and my life.  I am happy that she knew, always, not just at the end, how much she means to me and how much I love her.  How fortunate I am.  That’s a thought to remember and makes the pain of her loss somehow less. 

 For those of you have expressed your condolences, thank you.

Tags: Authenticity, Change, Family, Self-Clarity

I am fascinated with why people change.  How many of you change from the gut?  How many of you change based on logical decision making tools?  I would be willing to be that change starts in the gut (or the heart, you pick) but you use logic to support the decision.  I say this because this is the time of year that many look at their lives and make New Year’s resolution.  But where do those go?  How do we handle the guilt for not meeting those commitments?  How do we decide to commit ourselves to that spiral of guilt and need?

I decided not to make a New Year’s resolution this year.  Instead, I thought about what in my life made me unhappy and out of those things,  what do I have the power to change.  And out of that list, what did I actually want to do.  It was an interesting process.  More head, less gut.  I felt better about what I decided to focus on in my life though – not some action but what was important to me and what I want to do in that arena.

So, here’s hoping you have a wonderful New Year!

Tags: Self-Clarity