So my side note of the moment – why do I get stuck inside my own head sometimes and why do I let it lead me astray?  Here’s the thing – I’m on a journey to become more healthy, sustainably healthy.  Not a diet, not a workout now and drop it later but real change.  As a result, I want to feel better, more energized, lose some weight, be stronger and set a good example of a healthy lifestyle for my daughter.  Be the change I wish to see in the world (and in her).  Thank you, Ghandi. 

I’ve made progress (lost 12 inches, given up fast food and soda, very limited food in that comes from boxes or cans – start fresh, dropped a size and working out on a very regular basis).  Turns out that I am loving the change but somehow, I’m still not happy enough with my progress.  Crazy right?  I think it is the evil scale in the corner of my bathroom.  It haunts me with it’s mocking digital readout that states that for all the change, I still have only managed seven pounds. 

I’d like to do the sane thing and chuck the scale, truly I would.  But, I am number kind of gal and while the measurements are great, some part of me still thinks the scale is a key metric I can’t do away with.  So, sad to say but it is not the scale, it is me, standing in my way in my head.  I can’t revel in how much good I’ve done so far because all I can see is what I haven’t done.  Thoughts? Comments?  Stories?  Cheery support?  Let me know what you think.  And thanks for joining me on my Side Note!

The last step is the hardest for me – getting in shape and losing the weight.  Here’s we head back to the patience thing.  See, when I have worked out in the past, I’ve often either gained or stayed the same in the weight category.  So I quit.  Wow, that is uglier in print than in my head. 

I made a commitment to myself that this time, I won’t quit.  I will stay the course.  So, three weeks ago, I chose a Christmas present for myself.  45 pounds in 31 weeks.  45 pounds will put me at my ideal weight.  It’s a big goal and the timeline a bit aggressive but it’s better to challenge myself on this. 

No matter the results, I’m staying at it until the end of 31 weeks.  

I’m up to an hour of cardio and strength training six days a week.  I’m working my way up to 90 minutes per day.  So here I am at week three – not much in the way of weight loss so far (3 pounds) but I have lost some inches.  Frustrating but some progress is better than nothing, right?  Patience, I remind myself.   But I wish I were better at this whole patience thing.  Any words of advice for me?

1)  Am I sleeping better?  You betcha.  I not only sleep better, I dream more.  Go figure on that one… or perhaps I just remember my dreams even more.

2) Is my husband sleeping better?  Yes indeed.  If anything, the total silence when I sleep is a bit concerning for him.  He has yet to adjust and still checks to see if I am actually breathing now and again.

3) Am I breathing better overall? Yes, I am.  It still feels a bit odd to actually be breathing on both sides of my nose but I am doing much better.

4) Do I have more energy? Oh yes… I haven’t had this much energy in years.  Must be a combo of more oxygen in my blood and better sleep but I am loving it.  I feel like my energy level has improved significantly.

5) Would I recommend the surgery to others? Yes I would.  It hurt more than I thought going in (and I thought it would be bad) but it was worth every bit.  I genuinely wish I had done this sooner. 

As a reminder, I had the “snoring surgery” and repair for a severely deviated septum at the same time.  The two together is what resulted in more pain than I anticipated.  For those who are going for one or the other, the recovery should be easier.  Throw in the fact that I lost five pounds during the recovery, which was a lovely added bonus. 

This makes excellent progress on my personal goals for the year.

Last week I took the plunge and had the surgery.  The rest is about this week and how it went.  Here’s a little spoiler warning – for those who really don’t want the details, just know that everything is going well in my recovery and stop here.  For those who really would like to know, here goes (don’t say I didn’t warn you):

My surgery was last week Monday morning.  It started with a lot of waiting and no book to read for half of it.  For those of you who know me, this is a bad situation to be in.  I laid there on the table, staring at the ceiling drop tiles and found myself thinking all sorts of what if scenarios.  The people at the Santa Barbara Surgery Center were great – patient, pain sensitive and supportive. 

As promised, I didn’t feel them taking the breathing tube out after the surgery.  I did wake scared though – I couldn’t breathe without concious effort and I hurt like mad.  I had my first warning of how it was to be when she gave me some pain medicine to swallow and it hurt even more.  Not a good sign when you are in pain and it hurts even more to take the medicine.   After waiting in recovery, Shawn carefully brought me home.  I prayed for sleep that wouldn’t come.  I could doze for ten to fifteen minutes at a time and then wake up and spit out blood. 

The next couple of days brought me lots of lost blood.  So much so that I began to worry that it was too much, despite what the doctor said I was losing what he expected.  The packing came out on Tuesday and that was a shock and a relief.  All I could take was water. 

Thursday, I tried food.  An egg.  And I was successful in keeping it down.  Hooray!  Try to take joy in the little things.  I’ve been living off one egg a day and a small bit of applesauce.  The good news is that I’m not actually hungry and I am losing weight.  So there is a side benefit to all of this.

The good news today is that the internal splints came out of my nose.  Very little pain and suddenly its an amazing how much more I can breathe through my nose.  The sharp pain in my throat should start to recede in another couple of days, so food may be back in my near future.  If all continues to go well, I should be just about fully healed this time next week. 

Was it worth it? (I know you’re going to ask.)  I’m going to go with yes at this point.  I breathe better and I am not snoring either.  I suspect that I will also get the benefits of sleeping better (once the pain goes away) and having more energy.  Everything worked just like my doctor told me.  I have to admit to some fear and regret that I experienced on the first couple of days.  I was so miserable and exhausted that I did wonder why I did this to myself.

Tonight I go back to sleeping horizontally, rather than the prescribed 30 degree angle.  Tonight I will get to sleep breathing through my nose.  And last, certainly not least, tonight my husband will come back to bed, since sleeping at that angle was too hard on him.  So lots of good things tonight and I am starting to feel human once again.

Would I recommend this to others?  (Just in case you ask.)  I think yes… not entirely sure since I haven’t reaped all the benefits yet (still early days) but yes, I would.

Due to a weakness in my lungs (long story/another post covering allergies, asthma and turpentine), I get sick quite a lot during the winter.  I’ve learned to manage, no doubt just like all of you. 

My top things:  drink lots of warm tea (preferably with honey and lemon) and work from home whenever I am able and sick (which helps me rest more and not share the germs with co-workers).  What are your top tips for working through illness?

I believe in setting a goal to try to get to zero by the end of the year when it comes to vacation time.  There is a reason we get that time off – it’s for balance, for health – both physcial and mental.  And it’s important to take time off.  This year, I won’t quite make zero – I’ll be short by a day and a half but that’s pretty darn close.  And it’s important to remember that there’s no award or recognition for not taking time off.  So if you are one of those types – you know the ones, the hoarders of time (I am a reformed hoarder, so I know what it’s like) – then try it for just one year.  Make it your goal in 2009 to get to zero vacation days by the end of the year.  You never know, if you try it once, you might find you’ll never go back to hoarding again.

It has made me think a great deal about the nature of pain (great and small) and what we choose to endure.  My mother often talked about her reasons for fighting to stay in this life, despite the pain.  She was quite clear on that.  And I wonder, what does it take to have that clarity regarding other choices in our lives?  What helps us to decide that this is an acceptable situation and that is not? 

I am proud of my mother for the fight she put up and for her strength to stop fighting when she chose her time.  I miss her.  She will always be a part of me and I am glad to carry those lessons in my heart and my life.  I am happy that she knew, always, not just at the end, how much she means to me and how much I love her.  How fortunate I am.  That’s a thought to remember and makes the pain of her loss somehow less. 

 For those of you have expressed your condolences, thank you.